A Week Late, Three Weeks Lost, and Somehow Still Trying

When I decided to start my hiatus, I did the math like a responsible adult who thinks they’ve got their life together.

“If I write two chapters a day, I’ll finish one month before the deadline.”

Simple. Clean. Efficient.
Rocky Balboa-level discipline.

So that’s exactly what I did.
I put on my imaginary writer cap (which, in my head, looks like a beret but in reality is just me in an oversized green T-shirt with the word Berlin across it), and I started writing. I was fast, effective, and honestly feeling pretty damn amazing.

And the best part? I still had room for leisure.
Bike rides through the North Bali rice fields? Checked.
Walking the dogs twice a day? Checked.
Catching sunsets with a Marlboro in hand, feeling like a character in an JAFF film? Checked.

That… lasted… for… a week.

It’s now been three weeks of none of that.
Like, not even a shadow of discipline.
I’ve lost the momentum, the routine, the romantic “writer in Bali” aesthetic.
And I miss it. I really, truly miss it.

But here’s the funny (or stupid) part:
This article you’re reading right now?
This is me procrastinating.
This is me “starting again” by… not actually starting again.

I’m writing about not writing, hoping it sparks something inside me.
Or maybe I’m just finding a more creative way to slack off.
Either way, it feels honest. It feels necessary.
It feels like the little nudge I need, whether it works or not.

The truth is, being unproductive makes you feel like you’re slowly dissolving into the floor tiles. It’s the guilt of knowing you can do the thing, but you’re choosing everything else instead.
Suddenly, washing dishes feels like a meaningful life decision.
Suddenly, updating your website becomes a spiritual awakening.
Suddenly, reorganizing your meds drawer becomes a priority.

Meanwhile, the real work, the book, the deadline, the dream can wait.
Silently. Patiently.
Mocking me.

And because of all that, here I am:
A week late from where I should be.
if I still wrote two chapters a day.

Either way, that’s my update.

I’m thinking whether I should get a haircut tomorrow or water my cactus.